Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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