My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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