she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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