That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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