Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
