I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
