Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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