Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
