i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
