Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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