Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
