If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
