There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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