dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
