Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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