Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
