Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
