just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I look better un-naked...
love makes seman taste better
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
