I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
