I hate your face
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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