the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
