I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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