Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
