first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
