...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
