I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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