she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
