I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
