I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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