I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
