Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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