Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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