there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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