I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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