There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Help. Why am I so naked?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
