seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
