I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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