PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
