i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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