Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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