kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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