just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
