need another drink. this is the easiest way
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
