Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
