Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
