just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
