my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
