Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
