Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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