Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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