my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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